Whipped
by Orrick
Summary: Bill and Sookie have a fight. Will Sookie go to Eric or stay with her beloved Bill? Humor Fic. Eric/Sookie


"Beel! Beel! I need help, Beel!"

Bill groaned when he heard Sookie's high-pitched screeches floating from the hallway. He trudged over to the door to the left, pushed it open, and saw Sookie perched on the bathroom counter with a pair of nail clippers in her hand. "Beel, I clipped my nail too short and it's bleeding, Beel!" She held up her right index finger as if to show him evidence of her blatant stupidity. Blood was gushing from her finger and running down her hand and arm, and Bill reluctantly grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around her finger.

"Sookeh, Ah do not think you should ask meh to do every little thing for you." Bill deadpanned, taking the towel to the clothes bin and discarding it. He walked over to the sink and pulled out a box of Band-Aids, grabbing one(Unicorns, his favorite) and bringing it over to Sookie.

"What do you mean, Beel?" Sookie seemed bored, and she hopped off of the counter and walked out into the hallway, Bill following closely behind her.

"Sookeh, you always ask meh to do things of little importance. Ah do not appreciate being your servant."

Sookie narrowed her eyes menacingly. "What are you trying to say?"

Bill walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. "Ah am vampiah and Ah do what Ah please. You can no longer hold meh down." He tried to turn the TV on like he was cool and casual, but ended up pressing the wrong buttons. With a roar of rage, he flung the remote across the room.

Sookie raised her eyebrows. "Beel, you mean to tell me you can do what you please but you can't turn a TV on?"

"Shuh up!"

Sookie went to the mirror, grabbing a hairbrush and putting her hair up in a simple ponytail. "Beel, I'm going for a walk. When I return I expect you to have your handcuffs on and your mouth taped shut."

Bill grunted and Sookie left. Bill tried to enjoy Wii Tennis, but his thoughts kept drifting back to Sookie's orders. _What if Sookeh is watching meh and sees that Ah am not in mah handcuffs and tape yet? _Bill peeked out of the window to make sure Sookie wasn't hiding in the bushes.

Bill paced around the room, grabbing a pillow and putting it back. _What if Sookeh installed those video cameras we saw at the Best Buy when Ah was not home? What if she has her cellular phone out and is looking at meh?_ Bill searched and searched for video cameras, but came up with none.

_Sookeh will be home any minute. Ah must obey her right now or Ah will suffah._

Bill went and got his handcuffs out of the closet; on his way there he stopped by the kitchen and retrieved the duck tape in the cabinet drawer. _Ah will be a good boyfriend, Sookeh will love meh._

An hour later Sookie walked into the house, a thin layer of sweat across her skin. "Woah, that graveyard running can sure be a workout." She said to no one in particular, shutting the door and locking it behind her. "Beel! Beel!" She called out, her voice echoing in the empty halls. Her brow creased when she heard no response.

"Where is Beel?" Sookie asked worriedly, looking in his hidey-hole and finding nothing but a small indention from where he always slept. She examined his Wii system; it was still on Wii Sports. "Beel! Beel! You just reached Pro in Tennis! Come see, Beel!" She listened hard for a response, but there was only silence.

"Beel is gone! Beel has left me!" Sookie choked, tears running down her cheeks. "I was so mean to Beel, and now he is gone!" She grabbed a framed photo of her and Bill sitting lovingly on a park bench, cooing at each other. She threw it across the room; it hit the wall with a loud crash and smashed into a million pieces.

The phone rang a few minutes later, and Sookie managed to answer it in between sobs. "Beel? Beel? Is this Beel?"

"No." Said a sexy man voice on the other line. "This is Eric Northman, Sheriff."

Sookie stopped crying instantly. "Why hello, Eric. What can I do for you?"

"Fangtasia is hosting a party tonight. I invite both you and your...lover, Bill Compton. Though he does not seem to be present, does he?"

Sookie sighed. "No...Beel is gone."

"Then I shall be your date, no?"

"Oh Eric, I'm the happiest gal on this side of the Mississippi!"

"Quite."

A few hours later Bill entered the house, a plastic Piggly Wiggly bag in his left hand. "Sookeh, Sookeh! Ah am sorry for being late, but we were out of whipped cream and Ah took it upon mehself to buy some!"

The house was completely empty, but Bill still looked all around for his beloved Sookie. "Ah guess Sookeh has left me because Ah was not handcuffed and taped when she arrived." Bill looked glumly at his TV. "At least Ah have become a Pro at Tennis. Ah must save it before it is deleted!" Bill picked up his Wii remote and tried to save the game, but the remote would not work. "Ah do not understand what is wrong."

Bill tried and tried but it would not work. Finally, he smashed it against the wall, next to the picture of him and Sookie. "Curses!" Bill hissed, kicking the TV, making it fall on the floor and the Wii system burst open.

"Ah have the worst luck. The world must feel sorry for meh." Bill sighed, shaking his head. It was only when he saw a glimpse of red in the corner of his eye that Bill looked up. "What is that, Ah wonder?" Bill walked over to the busted Wii remote, picking it up and examining it. The back had come open, and where the batteries were supposed to be was instead a crumpled red piece of paper.

A flier for Fangtasia.

"Curse you Eric Northman!"


End file.
